tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post7565871743205463376..comments2024-03-10T21:44:15.133-04:00Comments on Adventures in Voluntary Simplicity: Reflections (3): Relationship ChecklistJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-79774354530346440552009-08-20T02:44:49.252-04:002009-08-20T02:44:49.252-04:00Hey Jack,
I think its great that you have the sel...Hey Jack,<br /><br />I think its great that you have the self-awareness to know what you want, and the open mindedness to accept that you aren't finished experiencing what life/love has to offer yet. I also think many people seem to miss the point of the list as being "all things perfect my mate would be..." I don't know ANYONE whose mate fits all of their "wishlist" items, yet are still happily married. How does this happen? We love them enough to let them be who they are, and they us. When that fails (because *duh* we're human) apologies/forgiveness are always on standby. <br /><br />That being said, the happy fluttery feelings of love/romance aren't constant. Eventually, the hormonal blinders fall off and you now have to decide if you can live with this person who annoys, disgusts, and generally drives you crazy. Just keep in mind they feel the same way about you. If you're lucky you can talk about it, accept each other the way you are, but be respectful/caring enough to make some minor changes (ie throwing dirty clothes in hamper rather than on the floor, or giving him the freedom to play videogames undisturbed until he's at a safe place to stop) that can have a big impact on the other's wellbeing. <br /><br />Maybe you could consider adding "good partner" to your list? I have had the good fortune of being married to someone with whom I can share everything, and he can share with me. (This might seem obvious to some, but I grew up in a family where women were considered inferior in most ways to men.) My husband and I respect and value the other's opinions (this doesn't mean we always agree), share decision-making, and have PATIENCE. <br /><br />I can sympathize with your choice of mate coming from a "good family." It's hard enough to get along with in-laws, it can be very difficult, even cause problems in your relationship, if you can't stand being around them. This is one problem my husband and I have, however we've sadly bonded in the fact that we both hate each other's families. We don't have a solution for this problem yet, only a quick fix involving living far enough away from both we don't have to see them very often. <br /><br />I'd wanted to end with letting you know I really admire what you've done. As someone who also once believed success was defined by job title, salary, and home size...I have in the last few years really come to appreciate a simpler way of life. I'm glad to see with the economy the way it has been that many people are also returning to the ways our grandparents lived, and hopefully open their eyes to the damage a materialistic lifestyle has not only on the environment, health, and equality, but also our own wellbeing. <br /><br />I've rambled on long enough...good luck on your journeys. If you're ever passing through Des Moines, IA area we'd love to have you over for supper.Sarahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-77494230720018758492009-07-22T21:22:22.309-04:002009-07-22T21:22:22.309-04:00@Anonymous,
How profound.@Anonymous,<br /><br />How profound.Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-19443477081516409812009-07-22T00:35:57.500-04:002009-07-22T00:35:57.500-04:00@ microwave and others,
Why such a big commotion...@ microwave and others,<br /><br /> Why such a big commotion about the checklist, class and race in particular? The list applies to long-term relationships, there will be short-term ones, lies and cheating at the same time, because THAT'S WHO JACK IS. RELAX everyoneAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-59494787614841390362009-07-19T18:01:49.321-04:002009-07-19T18:01:49.321-04:00@Srividya,
Thanks. I agree with you, though I wo...@Srividya,<br /><br />Thanks. I agree with you, though I would add that I still find the race thing to be a personal flaw. I see your point, but in my case a great deal of that has to do with personal attraction. Let's see where this list comes out in a couple of years.<br /><br />@Reflectivus,<br /><br />Are you suggesting that I am more shallow circa 2009 than 2006? Do replay if you can.Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-69239728860715087472009-07-19T04:05:59.952-04:002009-07-19T04:05:59.952-04:002006 = shallow as a coffee spill on the floor
200...2006 = shallow as a coffee spill on the floor<br /><br />2009 = shallow as a wading pool<br /><br />Keep working...there is likely still hope for you.Reflectivusnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-48131486988577129112009-07-18T00:23:52.953-04:002009-07-18T00:23:52.953-04:00I was surprised to see so many comments for listin...I was surprised to see so many comments for listing same race as a criteria. The way I look at it is, Marriage (or long term relationship) is hard work. If you are with someone who grew up in a similar background, it makes it easier. You don't have to explain every little thing that you grew up with to the other person. Wanting to be with someone who is from the same race DOES NOT make you intolerant or close minded.<br />I would definitely add sense of humor (or someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously) at the top of the list.<br />And giving each other space in a relationship is a necessity. <br />That being said, it is still quite a list you have here. Any relationship is a package deal, you may not like everything you get or get all that you want. It would be interesting to see how this list evolves.Srividyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13474320549285012321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-35858629557283511422009-07-17T19:12:50.836-04:002009-07-17T19:12:50.836-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-79877514989187006832009-07-17T19:12:50.388-04:002009-07-17T19:12:50.388-04:00@Anonymous,
Not quite sure I understand your comm...@Anonymous,<br /><br />Not quite sure I understand your comment. If it's intended to be derisory I'm afraid it's rather unimaginative and belies a lack of intelligence. If not, I really would love to understand what you wanted to say.Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-48584655641287703202009-07-17T19:09:33.102-04:002009-07-17T19:09:33.102-04:00@Anonymous,
Totally respect your opinion. Would ...@Anonymous,<br /><br />Totally respect your opinion. Would be great if you could provide some support for your contentions, rather than just presenting conclusory statements. Feel free to comment again.<br /><br />@Anonymous,<br /><br />Thanks for the comment. And I think you have a great point regarding making each requirement a positive. And funny how you unconsciously chose your husband with all those requirements:)<br /><br />@Elizabeth,<br /><br />I can put you in touch with microwave if you like. Maybe she has a direct line to Johnny...Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-10144306461808851352009-07-17T19:03:48.843-04:002009-07-17T19:03:48.843-04:00@Lynn,
It always has. Most of my long-term relat...@Lynn,<br /><br />It always has. Most of my long-term relationships have been with people who do not really fit into the list. But that's love. :)<br /><br />@dtb,<br /><br />See my response to Lynn above. You are probably right. Definitely a list person, but always flexible when it comes to love.<br /><br />@JayBeeGirl,<br /><br />To each his own I guess.Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-1276758101377842342009-07-17T04:28:24.451-04:002009-07-17T04:28:24.451-04:00Adventures in being a cunt from the day you are bo...Adventures in being a cunt from the day you are born and going broke in every imaginable way by the time you have to say your goodbyes.<br /><br />Look! Anti-consumerism! I'm a fortune teller working for free!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-3394413825524436562009-07-16T20:32:21.763-04:002009-07-16T20:32:21.763-04:00hey! my list includes "is Johnny Depp" t...hey! my list includes "is Johnny Depp" too. hmmmmmm .. clearly microwave and I need to have a chat. ;)Elizabeth Halthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01595395276757245598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-22768936040540066382009-07-16T17:14:50.255-04:002009-07-16T17:14:50.255-04:00I made a list several years ago, saved it on my co...I made a list several years ago, saved it on my computer, and let life move on. About 6 months ago, I was purging unnecessarily saved documents and came across the file "Mr. Right". As I read it, I realized all the qualities I had listed were there in my husband that sat behind me. Kudos to you for revamping the list and stating it is a blueprint. My only suggestion would be to drop the words anti and not. Keep your list positive - keep the positive energy flowing and good things will come your way. Putting negative energy out can lead to those items being attracted to you. Good Luck, Jack. It is fun to visit your page and read about your adventures and transformation!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-40669972983109872082009-07-16T16:00:00.629-04:002009-07-16T16:00:00.629-04:00you're racist and classist and basically a hor...you're racist and classist and basically a horrible person all around, and you manage to slip a little of it into every blog post that you make.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-54810719363078123412009-07-16T15:45:32.700-04:002009-07-16T15:45:32.700-04:00My father once told me that I must be too picky if...My father once told me that I must be too picky if I haven't met Mr. Right. <br /><br />He asked me what I was looking for in a man: I told him I wanted him breathing with a big dick.... is that too picky?<br /><br />JayBeeGirlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-71161010057923403582009-07-16T10:20:23.588-04:002009-07-16T10:20:23.588-04:00I think Lynn makes an excellent point. We make sh...I think Lynn makes an excellent point. We make shopping lists, but love tends to rewrite the list when someone comes along and surprises you with being everything you never knew you wanted.<br /><br />"is Johnny Depp" LOL!dtbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08182582394805967769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-3146730114264188202009-07-16T08:47:46.335-04:002009-07-16T08:47:46.335-04:00Jack -
I admire your looking into your soul and b...Jack - <br />I admire your looking into your soul and becoming a better person through this journey you are taking. But I believe that your list will take a back seat to your heart when emotions (aka - love)and chemistry take over.<br />LynnAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-10971224869271124342009-07-15T20:13:19.725-04:002009-07-15T20:13:19.725-04:00@The Traveler,
I think of it as a blueprint that ...@The Traveler,<br /><br />I think of it as a blueprint that I can use with an open mind...<br /><br />@microwave,<br /><br />Dig your analysis. And yes to the open-mindedness argument and strong foundations illustration. See my response to Meg above.<br /><br />@jade,<br /><br />Ok that was funny. :)Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-17523176075880450372009-07-15T20:01:11.696-04:002009-07-15T20:01:11.696-04:00@Money Funk,
Thanks, though I would add good humo...@Money Funk,<br /><br />Thanks, though I would add good humor, per Bill's comment above. Totally missed that one.<br /><br />@SJ,<br /><br />That's a good point, though it is probably outside the contours of the post. Maybe another list of things I can offer would make good fodder in another Reflection.<br /><br />@April,<br /><br />Not exactly sure how to respond to your comment except to say that I respect your opinion. If I may say so, I fear you are missing the point of the post and, by extension, the entire blog. Feel free to flesh out your opinion in a follow-up comment if you like. Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-87555631502066231232009-07-15T20:01:09.242-04:002009-07-15T20:01:09.242-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-19943530051683818032009-07-15T19:46:24.582-04:002009-07-15T19:46:24.582-04:00@Linda,
Honestly, I don't know. I use checkl...@Linda,<br /><br />Honestly, I don't know. I use checklists for everything and it just seems natural to use one for this. But I absolutely, 100% agree with you. If I really think about it, most of my long-term relationships have been with people that never met all of my "list" requirments.<br /><br />@Jonna,<br /><br />Both for sure. And thanks. That means alot.<br /><br />@Amy,<br /><br />Your comment is by far the most insightful I've read thus far re: this post. Thank you.<br /><br />Keep in mind that not everything listed are musts (i.e., someone open to me loving yoga is fine by me).Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-90059804181271567882009-07-15T19:36:24.444-04:002009-07-15T19:36:24.444-04:00@dtb,
See my response to Meg above. I hope that ...@dtb,<br /><br />See my response to Meg above. I hope that clarifies any issues. If not let me know via a follow-up comment.<br /><br />@Anonymous,<br /><br />Amen. See my response to Miriam above. <br /><br />@Bill h,<br /><br />Shoot. That's a good one that I missed. As for the race thing, see my response to Miriam above. Feel free to do a follow-up comment if you like.Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-85714131137359006722009-07-15T19:29:02.156-04:002009-07-15T19:29:02.156-04:00@Daizy,
Not sure that last item is promising for ...@Daizy,<br /><br />Not sure that last item is promising for a long-term relationship, but hey, you can't argue with camping:)<br /><br />Maybe he key to a good relationship is sharing each other's list, with an eye towards making the right accomodations and always having an open mind. Never know when love will hit. There is no list that can manufacture that.<br /><br />@breathethenexhale,<br /><br />Good point and appropriate story. See my response to Miriam above. Would love to get your thoughts in a follow-up comment<br /> <br />@Avatar,<br /><br />Never read it but love the author. Anything in particular I should look out for?Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-72033329392832340262009-07-15T19:17:13.297-04:002009-07-15T19:17:13.297-04:00@Meg,
I think that's a fantastic point. But ...@Meg,<br /><br />I think that's a fantastic point. But you have to understand how much I have to "unlearn.". I was brought up in a family who had only one real yardstick for being a "good person": growing up in a strong, stable family. I think the irony is totally lost on my parents given how disfunctional we were.<br /><br />Bottom line, putting "" around good family meant a good person. Again, separate from class which was dropped. FYI, I added the morality language after your first comment. <br /><br />@Miriam,<br /><br />Well, yes. But I also meant the reference to race. I'm trying to be as honest as possible and whether I like it or not race is in there somewhere.<br /><br />Just a couple of points to consider:<br /><br />1. Objectively, I'm not really happy about this but we are talking about human attraction and sexuality. I think it would be irrational to condemn people for who they find attractive and why.<br /><br />2. Would you be more forgiving if the "race" in question was "black" or "latino" or "Asian" (and, by definition, not "white")? How about if I happened to be black and preferred a black person as my partner?<br /><br />3. The reference to race is on this post for a reason. Who knows what will come off (or be added) in 1 year, in 5 years, or in 10. If you read this blog regularly you know that I am on a long-term journey. I am challenging myself to reconsider all aspects of my life. Nothing is off the table. <br /><br />@Debbi<br /><br />I agree. It's just that spending time with my friends is very important to me and I want my partner to realize that. Believe it or not, this has been an issue in previous relationships.Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11140071411706781433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758230923722877355.post-61441010471923607892009-07-15T17:49:39.937-04:002009-07-15T17:49:39.937-04:00Lol. Been cycling through Stepford, have we? :)Lol. Been cycling through Stepford, have we? :)Jade of the Junglehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05328733373498513195noreply@blogger.com