Jack wakes up to the sound of screeching. That damn alarm is still stuck between radio stations. He’s told himself for months now that he should tune that damn thing to something more listenable, like NPR. Hell, one of those hokey “sounds of the rainforest” CDs would be less painful. But he knows that the screeching has been doing its job; as soon as he hears it he is up for good. And being up for good is precisely what Jack needs right now. He is a lawyer without a purpose. And he needs a reason to get up in the morning.
Jack rolls over and almost hits the chick’s head. “Shit!” he tells himself. He forgot she was there. She had called him last night asking the usual: “I was just having a drink at Bar X, blah, blah, blah; “sooo…what are you doing tonight, blah, blah, blah?; “well, I was just thinking…if you weren’t doing anything…blah, blah, blah.” So Jack had invited her over. He had been bored and didn’t really have any plans. And getting laid gave him something to do. At least he could feel something. Even if it was just for a little while.
Jack gets out of bed slowly, being careful to avoid her. He steps lightly on the hardwood floors and walks directly to the bathroom. The linoleum is cold under his bare feet as he turns on the lights. The image in the mirror is almost too much to bear. “You can do this,” he tells himself softly. “Just put one foot in front of the other.”
He runs over to the hamper and picks out a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt. As he leaves the bathroom he grabs his backpack and an ipod. Before he can walk down the stairs he hears a groan behind him. “Hey,” she whispers, “don’t you want to come back to bed?” Jack looks over with some compassion. “No. I mean, I can’t. I have to go to work.” He then turns around and walks down to the first floor. “She’s been here before,” he thinks to himself. “She can drop the keys in the mailbox.”
He quickly puts on his bike helmet, grabs his bike and is out the door.
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18 comments:
LOL...Very good Jack. Going to work in shorts and a T-shirt. You were probably a big hit in the office!
Kind of sad, actually. I noticed you wrote it in third person--easier to deal with that way, huh?
Chin up, all will be well.
Your own boredom is no excuse to exercise your own self loathing. If you don't know how to fill your time, or do not have enough sense of self worth to partake in activities that make your life feel enriched, I'm afraid that your quest for simplified happiness will be an unsuccessful exercise in self-flagellation.
Find happiness in yourself. Don't try to find pity and validation in your blog. Find it in you.
Chill, anonymous. I little mindless sex is hardly self-flagellation. I think it's called "getting lucky".
In the book Your Money Or Your Life...the goal to being Financially Independent is to have the TIME and Energy to Make a Difference..................you could make a difference with your Law Degree by working on Pro Bono causes..... (part time) in causes you feel are Totally fulfilling and enriching.......(maybe your journey will come across a really Hot Babe that you can instead of JUST SEX...but passionate LOVE-Making instead.............
You are blessed you can be F.I. (financially independent at such a young age with energy and good health.......... and a Law Degree........gosh I envy all the good you could do; laws changed; .... like child molesters being locked away longer; or deadbeat dad having to pay child support; or trying to pass better health care coverage in America like Michael Moore talks about in his films... or on and on.......whatever niche fills you. You could really accomplish a lot.......and never be bored...........or even having the time to blog about mindless sex... which is no big deal either way; nothing worth writing about.. we all done that.............. mindless great sex........but your days could be spectacular. :)
First...
My alarm clock is TOTALLY set to the same thing. If it's some radio or NPR, i usually just end up incorporating it into my dream state.... gotta have the screech...
Two...
I see you've taken some hits here about this kind of writing.... I say, write what you want, it's your blog. And sometimes it takes just such little events to keep you human... no one said being simple doesn't mean you have to give up having sex. It also doesn't mean you have to find TOTAL happiness in everything you do....
break it down... you're trying to figure yourself out... now say you were looking to fall in love with someone... you would more then likely forget about finding you, most people tend to "find each other" in a new relationship.... so are you supposed to give up sex then? Hell no... physical satisfication is as important as any other feeling... in my opinion....
K...
bring on the lashings :-)
And I'll follow that by saying when you get tired of it, you'll change it... you're probably just not there yet :-)
I'm not saying don't be happy...don't have sex. But, if you think it's such a terrible thing to do...don't do it. Instead you have sex...you pose as if you feel guilty, you make loathing remarks on your blog and then for others to tell you it's all ok and to give you validation for your actions.
I'll be honest I went down a long path awhile ago, trying to find my own simple happiness...I did what I wanted, I was promiscuous, I drank, I sought money, prestige, and my own road. But, in the end I found that only when I
Jerry's shorts/t-shirt/office comment made me chuckle - that would be funny.
Anyway, I agree with miles, when you're really tired of this, you'll change it. I'm certainly not perfect so not one to cast stones, as it were. :-)
The thing that it got me thinking about though is boredom. I don't think I've ever been bored and I always wonder if boredom results when people are a) uncomfortable doing nothing or b) uncomfortable being left alone with themselves/with their own thoughts. Would be an interesting conversation, I think .. myself, I always wonder what it (boredom) feels like.
Jerry,
LOL. You probably have to wait for the next couple of installments. I actually don’t have a car and bike to work every day so I was, in fact, heading to work that day. I change at the office when I get in!
Amy,
Thanks for picking up on that. And thanks for the support. It’s not where I have been and certainly not where I want to be. It’s just where I am right now.
Anonymous,
Ouch, what a mess! I’m feeling very Nabokovish ala Lolita right about now. For the record:
1. This post is NOT about sex, promiscuity, or even self loathing.
2. I think its unfair that you are assuming that I’m not “partak[ing] in activities that make [my] life feel enriched.” I am drawn to simplicity and the beauty of life every single day of my life. A regular reader of this blog would know that.
3. If it wasn’t clear from this post, I’m not in the best place emotionally. I’m in a holding pattern, doing my best to stay above water while I get closer to where I want to be. I am not searching for “pity or validation” through this blog. I’m just simply sharing my journey on a blog. Comments are appreciated, but not required. The internet could end tomorrow and I would still be dealing with the same issues I am dealing with now, regardless of anyone’s input.
4. I absolutely agree with you; I am, in fact, searching for happiness within myself. It’s just that happiness is sometimes very elusive, especially when you are in transition. Speak to me in 1 year and let’s hope things are better. :)
Jerry,
Thanks for the support! Always good to get lucky But do see above. Sometimes the path to freedom gets mired in uninspired self-fulfillment.
Betty Ann,
Definitely dig YMOYL. It’s a classic. See my comments above. It’s always hard to bare your soul on paper (screen?). There may be no real payoff and it’s hard to know whether you are making any sense to anyone else.
While “mindless sex” is great, it is NOT what I am about. I’m just in a place in my life where I am unable (incapable?) of dealing with anything else. And that is NOT a good thing.
And believe me, all of those things are worth investing time in. I want to make a difference. I want to devote myself to others and the world we live in. I just need to focus on myself for a while, otherwise, there won’t be much left of me to do anything with.
Miles,
The screech does make a difference! :)
Not sure I’ve quite taken ‘hits’ so much as people are expressing themselves. Maybe that’s the best things about blogs; here I am baring my soul, trying to be as honest as I can be, warts and all. I sure hope people, if they want to comment, can be just as honest.
Also, sex is always controversial. What can you expect?
I like the warts!
And I wouldnt expect anything less... very interesting subject to talk about... liberal and conservative view points....
I love talking to liberals about the subject...
Conservatives I tend to butt heads with.... :-)
Anonymous,
Again, see my comments above. Not looking for validation and certainly not “posing” as if I “feel guilty.” Believe it or not, sometimes people do things, however self-indulgent they are, in order to feel as if you are still relevant.
Would your response have been different if, instead of a meaningless sexual escapade, I had written about a horrible drug addiction? Would you describe me as self-indulgent and would you think that I was posing just so that I could look for validation? More to the point, is anyone that posts an honest assessment of their lives looking for validation? Is it wrong to tell the truth, no matter how bad it is and express how sad you are about it?
I think you were cut off a bit so don’t know where you were going with your comment. Bottom line, I think you might have missed the focus of the post, but I absolutely respect your point of view.
Elizabeth,
Thanks for the comment. As I said above, check back with me in a year. I sure hope things are different.
As for boredom, I can say with absolute certainly that I am often bored at work. But that is a function of the fact that I am looking to leave that line of work. Nothing wrong with the work itself. I’m just ready to move on. In my personal life, when I actually have the time to have one, I’m with you. I appreciate the little free time I get as much as possible. I think ‘bored’ was probably a poor choice of words for this post.
Miles,
I like the warts as well!
And yes, there is nothing more indicative of that political split than talking about sex. But, again, it’s so sad that some people didn’t get the focus of the post. Sex, promiscuity, all of that stuff was incidental to what I was exploring. I guess writing has a life of its own.
I hope that when "the chick" tells her friends this story, she's as dismissive of you as you are of her.
Anonymous,
I hope so as well.
I love your honesty, Jack. It's what keeps me coming back for more. You're a REAL person with REAL emotions and REAL reactions. What more than honesty could anybody ask for?
Jack, I usually avoid this problem by hotel or spending a few hours at their place because I don't like the sleeping next to each other part (gack!) and it's awkward in the morning.
The only thing I think is sad is that you've lost your love for the law. You had it at one point, didn't you?
Sharon,
Thanks for that! :) I sure hope I can keep it up. Digging through myseful in prep for some of these posts is a bit tough.
Fifty,
Yeah, I guess it depends on the person who stays over:)
And yeah, I guess I have lost some of my passion for law. Maybe its the kind of work that I am doing. Or maybe I'm just in a weird point in life.
Ok. I am stretching my mind to figure out what is complex about that vignette which you posted.
There is more to it, eh?
One day, you will have great friends with whom you can lay it bare.
Buddy
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