Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I'm in Love


[Image: http://www.paintinghere.com/UploadPic/Garmash/big/Dreaming%20of%20Love.jpg]

For years I struggled to find meaning in meaningless relationships. There were times when I was so numb inside that sleeping with as many women as possible was my only reason for living. At my worst, I surrendered myself to something much, much worse: utter loneliness. It was at those times that I prayed for someone, anyone to sleep in my bed. Just as long as I didn’t have to spend another night alone.


And then, suddenly, I found it.


ROMANTIC CLICHÉ
I was walking down the street about a year ago when I saw Her. She was out shopping for Christmas presents with her mom and her sister. As soon as our eyes met my heart rate shot up uncontrollably and I actually had to catch my breath. I had become a romantic cliché.

At that point I really had no choice but to approach her AND her family. Definitely NOT my usual MO. I introduced myself and engaged in some banal banter with all three of them. Her mother was curious. Her sister hated me instantly. I didn’t care, so long as I was able to have Her near me.

In the end, I snagged an email address. After a week of emails and phone calls back and forth I earned my first date.


BUT ARE YOU A GOODMAN?
I still remember how nervous I was that night. I was more than nervous. I was terrified. But it turned out to be one of those once-in-a-lifetime conversations. We talked about family and friends, about our careers, and our life goals.

About half-way through dinner the conversation turned to simplicity. And I couldn’t control myself any longer. I had to tell her EVERYTHING.

I told her about being materialistic. About being a selfish asshole. And, of course, about trying to find meaning in empty loneliness.

She listened intently, interrupting me only to ask a relevant question or two.

“But are you a good man?” she asked eventually. I told her I was. She then kissed me. Deeply.

I was reborn that night. Apparently, redemption is attained through the grace of a good woman. Even for a wretch like me.


EVOCATIVE DREAM
It has been a year since that first date. And my love for Her has deepened to a point where sometimes I don’t even know where I start and she begins.

I love this woman because she was made for me. And I was made for her.

She is my sun. My spring. My biking simplicity. When she stands beside me in the rain I smile. And when I kiss her lips it always feels like the beginning of the road once more.

There has never been a sweeter wine, nor a more evocative dream, than her lips on mine.

I am in love.

16 comments:

Buddy said...

Congratulations, Jack. Glad to see that everything is making sense and going well for you. You'ev been a role model in the simplicity style for me. All the best, and have a Merry Christmas!

Browneyedgirl6572 said...

I knew you had to have found someone special enough to fall in love. Good for you...all things happen in its own time. Call it fate, call it destiny, or God's plan...it was your time Jack.
You are a good man and it took a good woman to bring that out in you. Good luck my friend. Maybe you now can help those of us still hoping to find our "good man."

Mark said...

Have you shared this URL with her?

Jack said...

@Buddy,

Thanks! And I appreciate the kind words. If I was a role model, know that I've had a dozen just to get where I am. Who knows whom YOU have inspired.

@Nancy,

sometimes it feels like finding her was inevitable. At other times, it feels like a miracle. FYI, will send them your way if I find any. :)

@Mark,

Nope. She doesn't know about the blog. I knows pretty much all the content. Just not sure whether it makes sense to share it at this point.

CandaianGwen said...

There is much to be said about being with someone you feel absolute comfort with. Knowing that you can do or say anything (or nothing) without fear of rejection brings a feeling of joy and peace unequaled by anything else.
Glad to hear you have found her, you've had a long journey.

Jennoit said...

Wow! Glad to see things are going well for you.

Jerry Critter said...

You are in love; that's great...but are you willing to commit...for a lifetime?

That's the real question.

kymber said...

Jack, my friend...i am sooo very happy for you! i think a lot of us prayed for this to happen to you as you deserve a wonderful, gracious, good woman!

i would recommend that you share this blog with her - you have been so open and raw here and if you share it with her, she will get an even deeper understanding of you. and that is always a good thing.

this blog highlights your best, your worst, your inbetween and your YOU! and if you share it with her, it shows her how open you are - THAT is serious!

just my honest opinion...and i want nothing but the best for you!

your friend,
kymber
(check out my new blog with my hubby at www.framboisemanor.com
last year, we left our jobs and the city and moved to the absolute middle of nowhere - talk about simple living eh?)

Heather's Moving Castle said...

I dont tell everyone about my blog. Some things are private. If she ever finds out just tell her you had changed so much over the year and you didn't view yourself as that same person. And you made this blog as anonymously. It is your choice to leave it that way. Congrats!!! I am so happy for you!

FrankandMary said...

I think simplicity has to be voluntary. Way too much crap trying to catch your gaze or grasp. ~Mary

ps glad you are doing so well.

Louise said...

thats great Jack :)
glad to see your back but even gladder to hear how happy you sound

Circus Life said...

so beautiful! enjoy every moment of your new love. Glad to have you blogging again.

Scott said...

I'm glad you're in a good place, Jack.

Just so that I stay in a good place, please tell me you're sticking to your vasectomy/child-free decision.

Ms Hen said...

..the past entries were you evolving.. no need to share it... !

And Love.. remember LOVE is something you find INSIDE and you Share... (always remember you are 2 WHOLES-and not the 1/2 of anyone else)..so no matter what you retain the JOY of Life always.

I am very happy for you...

Do not let this one slip away.. LOVE is best when it is LOVE IN ACTION .. meaning make a commitment.. Marriage... and just be careful. So many regress after marriage; like they want to replay the drama of their dysfunction childhood.. or they wake up and realized they married the parent that drove them NUTS (and was trying to fix them).

Stay real.. when the IN LOVE pass; it is the real emotional mature love that matters..

Again.. I wish you the best...and a year is a good sign..

Been following your blog... and always rooting you on for years..

peace and happiness..

ms. hen of nyc

Cozy Tiny said...

Wow...That's beautifully written. Congratulations Jack!

Julia Dumas Wilks said...

Absolutely beautiful!