On Alcoholism

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Those of you who follow me via Twitter and Facebook probably noticed a couple of rather strange-sounding status updates over the past several months. They all, in one way or another, referenced several trips to the ER and being there for friends in need. I think I'm about ready to talk about it. If only because it has taught me valuable lessons about how difficult life can be when you are no longer in control.

BACK IN SEPTEMBER
Back in September I met R, a guy who lives in my apartment building. R seemed intelligent, interesting, well traveled...in short, a pretty nice guy. R and I hung out a few times and as I got to know him I realized we had tons in common. I'm not going to get into any substance, but let's just say that he seemed just as damaged as I was in some pretty fundamental ways.

A couple of weeks after we met, as I was hanging out one Friday evening in my place, R knocked on my door. He looked absolutely terrible. He was sweating profusely, his eyes were dilated and he could barely walk. He told me he had always suffered from some mysterious illness that prevented him from sleeping for days on end and made eating difficult. Even as he slurred his words I made the executive decision that he needed to head to the ER immediately. I grabbed my keys, grabbed my wallet and slowly walked him downstairs to a cab.

At the ER, everything was pretty routine. They took blood and urine samples, gave him an IV and after 4 hours told him that they could not figure out what the problem was. Heading back home R was more himself. We even joked about a couple of smoking hot nurses who had treated him.

MYSTERY ILLNESS STRIKES AGAIN
Sometime in late December R showed up at my door looking even worse than back in September. Again, I dropped everything and took him straight to the ER, where, for the first time, an inkling of what was really going on began to emerge. “Have you been drinking?” the attending physician asked. “No,” was R's response.

Up until this point, I had assumed that any drinking on R's part was merely exarcerbating whatever affliction he suffered from. After the nurses and doctors were gone I pressed R a bit. “Dude, when was the last time you drank?” “Jack, I'm an alcoholic,” he said with some seriousness. After he was discharged we walked back to the apartment building in silence.

Early the next morning, several people in our building walked into R's apartment to find him catatonic. He was seated in a chair in a daze, arms raised to shoulder level. There was a nearly empty bottle of rum on his desk. It took three of us to carry him downstairs to a waiting taxi.

R spent 15 hours in the hospital and was released early the following morning, only to continue drinking for several weeks after that.



LESSONS LEARNED

I think I've learned several things from my friendship with R.

First and foremost, it is clear to me that, whatever my demons might be, there are people who are struggling with far worse. I think back on what I have accomplished over the past several years and wonder if I could have gotten this far if I had started out as damaged as R is. Somehow, I doubt it.

I've also learned that alcoholism, like any other addiction, can affect even the smartest and most capable of all of us. R is still a great guy. I still respect him greatly. I just wish he would slay his demons so he could be free as well.

Good luck R. I believe in you.

Dancing Update

[Photo: ellowcitizensmusic.com]

It has been a relaxing couple of weeks. Nothing like some sun and more than just a few beers to relax the mind and reenergize the spirit.

Now that I´m back from vacation, I can now turn to several things that have been bugging me recently. Top of my list is how I´m doing on the dance floor.

Frankly, this whole learning how to dance thing is not going well. I JUST DON’T GET RHYTHM. Let me rephrase…I can generally hear the rhythm in a piece of music and can even clap the rhythm out for a bit. But I´m screwed when it comes to applying rhythm on the dance floor. You have no idea how stressful my lessons have become. I feel bad that I´m not advancing as fast as I should be. I am constantly apologizing to my teacher for taking so long to get the basics. I am always watching the clock, hoping that the hour passes as quickly as possible. In short, I´m really not having any fun.

But, hey, nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I´m going to take another shot at this thing with a new attitude. Maybe I´m putting too much stress on myself. The point, after all, IS to have some fun and learn the basics at my own pace. I´ll let you know how it goes.

On Sexism: Women Should Know Their Place

[Image: www.adrants.com]

“I would never hit a woman in my life…but I’d shake the shit out of her!” Chris Rock.

Since the inception of Adventures in Voluntary Simplicity I have worked hard to create a forum for readers to express their views openly and without fear of censorship. That is why I’ve decided to devote an entire post to the issue of sexism as it relates to this blog.

While I don’t think this post quite fits the “voluntary simplicity” rubric, I think there is some value in allowing readers the opportunity to express their views on this topic. The reality is that, rightly or wrongly, poor old Jack has been occasionally accused of being downright sexist, both in thoughts and deeds. As a refresher, here are some posts where this sentiment might have come up:

Picture If You Will

Last Night’s Call

A Day in the Life (Part 1)

On Marriage

Dear Mom: FUCK YOU

And let’s not forget the commentary in response to the provocative “Girls Riding Mechanical Bulls are Hot” post. I definitely dug that discussion.

So, where do I come out on this? At the risk of polluting the discussion that may follow, I will say the following:

1. I don’t see myself as sexist in any way. I have, even through some of the darkest, most frivolous times in my life, been a dire-hard supporter of woman's rights. Being sexist is wrong. Period.
   
2. I am, however, aware that I have chosen to embrace a journey that may ultimately realign most if not all of my core beliefs. I can’t discount the possibility that the person I am today won’t be derided by the Jack of tomorrow.
3. I sincerely believe that the bulk of readers who believe I have sexist tendencies are either (a) misinterpreting my often imprecise narrative; (b) not regular readers (in which case they are reading posts in a vacuum and don’t see that I am trying to move away from certain patterns of behavior); or (c) sexually repressed and/or easily offended.
   
4. I absolutely abhor political correctness. It corrupts discourse and is a short-cut to thinking.

And speaking of political correctness, here’s a little bit of wisdom to brighten up your day:

“What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
The god damned dishes if she knows what's good for her.”

“A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police. The man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?" The cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" The man let out a sigh. "Thank you for that, I thought I had gone deaf!"

And for good measure, here’s one of my favorite Family Guy segments of all time:

Stewie and Horse Sperm

Sharing similar gems about how men might be ignorant, dirty, and all-around assholes is definitely welcome.

Enjoy.

Rejecting Elitism

Talk about elitists gone wild. Check out the youtube highlights and accompanying article below:

Hatred for “Wife Swap” husband still grows

YOU TUBE HIGHLIGHTS

This whole Stephen Fowler story resonates with me. Over the past few years I’ve happily immersed myself in the sweet, asphyxiating waters of elitism. I’ve used my education, my money, and my presumed knowledge of the world to define who I am and to exclude those ‘unfortunate’ souls who seemingly lacked the intellectual and/or cultural capacity to be in the same room with me.

I deeply regret that attitude. I really do.

But nothing, it seems, is beyond the redemptive power of simple living. I’ve been humbled by this process. I’ve learned that status, money and book smarts pales in comparison to common sense and decency. I’ve learned that people who live in so-called “fly-over country” (you know, the real America that lies somewhere between the East and West coasts) have much to teach someone like me. I’ve learned that the most essential news about this country and the world at large does not always appear on the front page of the New York Times.

In essence, I’ve learned that I know nothing. I find it somewhat ironic that embracing simple living has led me to a Socratic conclusion that is, itself, a product of an intellectual elitism I no longer value. Ironic indeed.

Rich, Greedy Assholes Suck

[Photo:foxnews.com]

What a sad, pathetic, moron. I guess that after buying a mansion worth several million dollars, buying several private planes, marrying a materialistic bimbo and being an all-around rich asshole, there was nothing left to do but fake your own death to avoid being charged with a massive fraud.

Financier’s plane crash ‘didn’t smell right,’ says friend

Timeline: Marcus Schrenker Plane Hoax Mystery

For all the horrors this economic implosion is causing, I can’t help but LOVE stories like this. There is nothing like watching the Marcus Shrenkers of the world realize that their love of money is toxic; that the “things” they worship are finite and soulless; that their pursuit of the material is antithetical to a life full of meaning, love, friendship, and family.

I know, I know. I, myself, am not too far removed from poor, misguided Marcus. But hey, maybe it takes a recently reformed asshole to point out the obvious.

Stop Saving, or Else!

[Image: treehugger.com]

Here’s the dilemma for our economy: the more we save and pay down our debts the more we are perpetuating this recession. Indeed, it certainly appears as if this new-found embrace of simple living values among Americans is wreaking havoc from Wall Street to Main Street:

Americans’ Saving More, Spending Less :

“Economists call it the "paradox of thrift." What's good for individuals — spending less, saving more — is bad for the economy when everyone does it…Like a teeter-totter, when the savings rate rises, spending falls. The latter accounts for about 70 percent of economic activity. When consumers refuse to spend, companies cut back, layoffs rise, people pinch pennies even more and the recession deepens.”

Can we Have an Economy Without Spending? :

“You are familiar with Zen koans like "What is the sound of one hand clapping?". They are designed to open up consciousness with paradoxical or impossible questions. Well here's one: Can we have an economy that is not so dependent on rampant consumer spending?

After 9/11, Bush's solution was to exhort consumers to spend more as the way to propel ourselves out of the downturn. Today we are hearing similar advice.

Problem is, people are saving (or at least not spending, which I don't think is quite the same thing) rather than spending.”

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I don’t know about you, but I’m not about to apologize for cutting my spending, paying off my debts and living within my means. There is something incredibly perverse about a “governmental-financial-industrial complex” that actively encourages you to spend money you don’t have for the sake of the national/collective good.

Now, I acknowledge that we live in a consumer-based economy, one that feeds on spending, accessible credit and a continuous hunger for better, faster, cheaper products. But a consumer-based economy is not the only model to follow. Who knows…maybe this economic meltdown will force us to reassess our incentives and restructure our economic priorities. Maybe, in the end, a good collective kick in the ass will be a catalyst for changing everything for the better.

Getting Back to Basics

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Things are definitely changing. Unwittingly, unwillingly, and even surprisingly, people all across this country (and I suspect even some enlightened souls abroad) are recognizing that there is something seriously wrong with our post-modern culture. The go-go 90’s that begat the unsustainable excesses of post-9/11 Western (or was it strictly American?) materialism is now firmly in our past. All that remains is a massive hangover full of unnecessary debt, ballooning deficits and an unforgiving foreboding that will remain with us for years to come. Has greed have finally crushed the spirit of American exceptionalism once and for all? Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I chuckle at how Wall Street, via Madison Avenue, is claiming the emerging culture of simple living as its own. Check out Allstate’s new ad, ironically entitled Back to Basics:

ALLSTATE "BACK TO BASICS" COMMERCIAL

Corporate hypocrisy aside, one positive byproduct of this historic economic implosion is the sudden realization by millions of people that the “things” that we generally rely on for our own sense of self-worth are ephemeral and finite. In this new world order, your job is expendable. If your job is expendable then, by extension, anything that your job finances is, likewise, expendable. Indeed, that nice house in the suburbs, the Mercedes you are still paying off, your fancy clothes, and those extravagant Caribbean vacations can all be gone in a blink of an eye. Even those of us who could never afford the monthly payments on that Mercedes have been forced to rethink the meaning and value of wealth. For better or worse (I think better), this economic hurricane is showing millions of people that unmitigated consumption can be a trap almost as debilitating and claustrophobic as a prison cell.

Here’s just a little teaser of what I am talking about:

"More young people pursuing simpler life"

The party is over, my dear reader. It was fun while it lasted. The only thing we can do at this point is handle this massive hangover as best we can. Remember to drink lots of water and take some Advil before getting back under the covers. Stay in bed as long as you can. It’s brutal out there.